the Fathers Day inspired rant

Well, it has already gone, and I don't think I did nearly the justice to my partner's abilities as a father. But we have both sworn off what we call greeting card holidays, so both of us just get cards from the kids on our respective parental appreciation days. I've been thinking alot lately about the balance and interplay between parenting and being married. The nuclear family- 2 parents and kids, has been morphing in the last few decades- and the stigma that used to be associated with divorce is all but gone. The next stigma that I fear is on its way out, is the affair that precipitates divorce. As of late, I have heard of at least half a dozen couples with kids getting divorced- and in the majority of cases, someone's been having an affair- and its usually been the husband. So, I have been reflecting on this a bit. Lots of thoughts going on- lots of sorting out personal anxieties and irrational fears- trying to quash the urge to man-bash (but I make no promises that I can abstain) realizing it takes two to form and keep a relationship.
Here are some points I've chipped out of my thought-boulders.
1) A study just recently pointed out that a father's hormones change around his baby's birth as well as the much celebrated women's hormonal tsunamis. Men become less aggressive, more nurturing, and protective. That seems to make sense. My thought on this is that after 3-5 years, the dad reverts to the "find a mate and reproduce" state of hormones, while the mom stays in the "protect, nurture, grow" stage. There's lots to be said for how childbirth alters a women's body, how the hormones of mid-life change, how most women don't keep an attractive, young looking body- not without a lot of plastic surgery or really great workout ethics. (of which I have neither!) I can see how the grass can start looking leaner and greener on the other side of most men's pool fence...but I also refuse to let us all settle for the excuse of a testosterone driven existence. So what if they want sex more often, or feel they deserve it or need it? Find a way to woo your wife and TALK about what you need and get it, or take a frikkin cold shower and shut up! If you want to be the dominant alpha men who run the businesses, get paid more and fight the fights of the world, then surely you can control yourself? If you can't- are we surrounded by people who have the same amount of restraint as middle school boys with a boner?! (And there are women to blame too- ones who sleep with married men, and who cheat on their husbands. I'm not excusing that- just going with the larger statistics here. ) We can land men on the moon, but we shouldn't expect them to keep their pants zipped simply because they stood before God and promised to do that among other things? Perhaps those who just can't get what they need from their current marraiges should go through with divorce and then fill their needs- sounds ridiculous in a way- and yet- it would show more manliness and foresight than "I just couldn't control myself- and although I realized I've destroyed an entire family system, since I was out of control, I'm also not going to pay for it."
2) We do a lot as a culture and even in the church to support people at various stages of life- we throw parties, have showers, send gifts to mark things like going to college, getting married, having a baby- even retiring or moving to a new place gets supported and recognized. There are post-partum support groups, books on preparing for marriage, retirement planning counselors- but it seems there is a void in the school-age parenting/being married 15+ years range. There isn't alot said or done for those who are trying to negotiate the waters of "normal life". The time where you've gotten a good job and work regularly, the kids are making their way towards being pretty independent from you, but in actuality need you more than you think, you're working on that mortgage, and the goal line has faded into a distant future. Our culture doesn't support and applaud the day-in-day-out drudgery. It instead salutes the new, the exciting, the different. What's the next big thing?
I asked my husband one time, now that you've Gotten into a good college, gotten a good job, gotten married, gotten your PhD, gotten a great job, bought a house, had kids, and gotten a decent car- what's your next life goal? A lot of people just begin to adapt their kids goals as their own and perpetuate the cycle (get my kid into a great college, get them a good job, get them married etc). We suffer from a serious lack of imagination these days. And usually, when we have nothing pushing us further, we just look for entertainment- pleasure- satisfaction- all of which are fine in moderation, but all of which when done in the American super-sized mode become the very definition of gluttony, lust and greed.
3) I'm trying to think of ways we can celebrate and support those who are simply doing what they're supposed to do- who know how to sacrifice for their family's good- or know that doing without multiple sex oppotunities is not actually sacrificing. How to help people make the transition from two parents back to a couple. (Cause the kids aren't going anywhere any time soon!) How do we reinforce that there is pleasure and satisfaction in being a faithful, responsible person? How do we make it so? I'm thinking a marraige shower is in order! Perhaps anniversaries need to be made into a bigger deal- complete with parties and people dancing you around in a chair.... What do you think?