And if I'm elected

At one point in my life, I began to put together my campaign for president. I think I calculated my age (I was 21 at the time) and when I'd be eligible, plus most likely have enough experience, and decided I'd run in 2020- you know, we'd call it the "Clear Vision" campaign. I could probably get complete funding from the eyecare industry alone. As if it weren't unlikely enough on its own, I was reminded this week, in the form of some phone calls with my siblings, of just how unlikely it would be. Billy Carter has nothing on my family.

So, since it's unlikely I'll ever actually run, I've been meaning to write for awhile a list of things I would say if I were running for president. And maybe, if everything as we know it changes in some apocolyptic way in the next 10 years, you'll hear me say these again. Of course, they aren't politically correct at all and would get me in trouble rather than elected. Mostly, they're just some of my more provocative thoughts on political and social issues:

"It used to be that people were Americans first, and then other things second. Now, whatever party you align with, or cause, or gender orientation, or lobby- that is your main descriptor- and being an American is just a consolation prize that allows you the freedom to maintain your primary identity. E Pluribus Unum means "out of many one" as in "One Nation under God, indivisible." We are now a loosely confederated amalgum of many- one nation that has become many things. We fight more with each other about who is right and who deserves the title of American, rather than seeing the person we fight with as a team mate and fellow countryman, who happens to disagree with how we do things, not who we are."

"I believe that if the US were to really claim it's identity as a "Christian Nation," and live into the call of Christ to love our neighbors and pray for our enemies- we would spend 12 billion dollars a month(or what we are currently spending on war efforts) on rebuilding countries, providing safe drinking water, cleaning up air and ocean pollution, making sure human rights were protected and providing health care and education world wide. I think that sort of investment in other countries, not expecting anything in return, is not only closer to what Jesus had in mind for Christian behavior, but also I think it would make it very hard for people to hate us so much."

"How is it that one group of people can claim to have the ear, voice and arm of God and yet be so selfish, greedy and arrogant as to defame the name of Christian worldwide? Seriously, would any reasonable Muslim, upon having their country invaded, their house blown up, their rights, livelihoods and families taken away, think of Christians as anything other than selfish assholes?"

"I propose a money back system on plastic. 5 cents a pound or something. It works really well for aluminum. "

"Do we really mean to say that 'Capitalist Empire' and 'Christian Nation' are the same thing? Then why do we act like they are? I think it's time to choose one or the other."

"If we don't consider everyone who drives a car to be a great mechanic, why do we suppose that anyone who has been to school can be a teacher?"

"I believe that when you say you are a citizen, you acknowledge you are a part of something greater than yourself. You become a part of a community. There is something to be said for the sum being more than it's parts. A united community can do more than each of us on our own. That is what the vision of America has always been. Somewhere, we began to believe it was about each of us getting our own and lots of it. How does that fit with the idea of a community?"

Well, that's certainly enough for now. Maybe I'll put up more later- if I don't get picked up by some US survellience group for my subversive thoughts. Don't forget to vote!