He's only MOSTLY dead

I saw a headline today "Certain health habits can raise your risk of mortality". Hmm. Really. How do you increase the chances that you will die? I mean, as best as I can do the math, the human race has a 100% mortality risk. We all die. It's the only certainty in life behind taxes and the Cubs losing. So, what is it that you can do to increase your mortality risk? Must be some new calculation. Upon checking the link, it was about how eating red meat raised the chances of people dying from cancer and heart attack. So, your heart attack chances and cancer chances have increased- but I would say your mortality risk is probably just about where it was when you started. You will die- when and how are a little more vague, but that you will is certain. One of my friends said she wanted to raise her IMmortality risk. I'm of the mind, that too is pretty yes or no- either you will or you won't- I guess you could argue for a differentiation of immortal life as a ghost, or a cursed pirate, or a zombie, or an angel, or a demon.....wow. That got depressing fast, didn't it? Well, maybe at least the title will make you laugh, as Hollywood obviously ignores the 100% dead rule. I guess I don't feel so bad since I haven't been mostly dead all day. In fact, I've been rather alive, and I like it that way! L'chaim!